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Vishaka Hari catches Billy Bowden plumb in front of the wicket! November 25, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Aachaaram & Abachaaram, Ball Games, Geography of Accident, History of Incident.
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The Kathakalakshepam of Mrs. Vishaka Hari* in the Music Academy had a very special visitor today. The Mylapore Maamas and the Chitrakolam Maamis among the audience were blessed with the presence of elite New Zealand umpire, Mr. Billy Bowden. In what has to be termed as a very unique rendezvous, Billy Bowden was made to believe that there can be avatars that are not James Cameron made while the Hindu Crossword solving, Parthasarathy Temple visiting junta learnt that “Going down leg” always does not refer to the dhoti draping technique employed on the bride-groom during South Indian weddings.

Mrs. Hari, whose recent trip to Satya Bazaar to get pirated version of Tally 9 ended with her carrying back a handful of DVDs with cricket footages, decided to customize the construct of her Ramayana to keep the New Zealander engrossed. Read on as she, along with a few celebrities among the audience; elucidate how the various Kandas of Ramayana influenced ICC and there-by the world of cricket.

No Ball-a Kanda

Haroon Logat, the Chairman of ICC was a worried man. He had three elite panel umpires watching over the proceedings of the test match between England & Pakistan, but none powerful enough to spot and take action against the deliberate no balls bowled. Anxious to produce an impact and get some direction, he hired Pujara (who anyway has been kept out of the team) to perform a sacrifice where the commentary tapes of Ramiz Raja, Madan Lal and Moinder Amarnath would be burnt down to the ground. They termed it “Put-the Commentary on the Yagna”

As a consequence, the ICC was endowed with ideas of various degrees. When they reduced the acceptable limit to 15 degrees, legalizing match fixing came out as the most practical of the lot. The ICC issued a 3 point directive towards implementing this idea.

  • Mr. Sharad Pawar to strike deals with tamilmatrimony.com and shaadi.com to conduct Swayamvar each year and fix matches in a fair and transparent manner;
  • Bowlers to bow down and do “thoppu kaaranam” to the “Kann Drishti Ganapathy” before delivering intentional no-balls as it is act of duping the umpire eyesight;
  • Mr. Billy BOWden to facilitate implementation of this legalizing framework

Ayyo-ODI-ya Kanda

A phase when ICC, desperate to save the dying modes of ODI & Test Cricket, yielded to Cricket Australia’s request of sending Sachin Tendulkar in exile from all forms of cricket for a period of 14 months, a move that meant Sachin could miss the ICC World Cup in 2011. “They have Boon. We had to abide”, commented D.A.S Hart, a hapless ICC Official.

Dravid and Laxman too followed Sachin in his exile. “The pitches where you do-well is Aii-ODI-ya for us. ODI without you is a veritable hell”, they stated and extended support to Sachin while being subtle at putting across to the media the reason behind their absence from the ODI squad.

A-run-ya Kanda

There has always been a grey area in cricket on the criteria on which a by-runner can be allowed for a batsman. Umpires have found themselves in an embarrassing situation of having to allow a by-runner just because the player got enticed by double deer basmati rice during lunch break and became too heavy to sneak a quick single.

The ICC recently created a ruling giving the umpire the power to draw the line when it comes to the runner issue. Many players are bound to get “nose-cuts” following this ruling but some players might still end up getting what they wanted.

Krish-kind-hai Kanda

 Sundary’s Kanda

Women cricket has always been an area of concern for the ICC. Faced with a commitment to position this version in par with the male version of the game, the ICC made a few modifications to the rules ofthe game. “Men Cricket was sitting on a throne high above and we had to create a strong foundation and coil around a few rules to make them come to the same level, if not higher than that the exponents of the game” said an ICC Spokesperson.  One of the key changes brought about was to eliminate bouncers from the game. Sourav Ganguly, one of the key members of the committee who voted for this ruling said “The pull shot is a very difficult one to execute and we dont want our women to drain their energies on that”. Kiran Bedi welcomed the ruling and said “Pulling streeling does sometimes result in eve-teasing case on pulling and hence it needs to be avoided”   

You-duh Kanda

Sledging or the War of Words in the field has always been a stain the clean fabric of the Gentleman Sport. The ICC after much deliberation decided to leave that as part of the game. “Even Lord Rama had a showdown with Raavana. Why cant these players have some fun”, commented a Headlines Today reporter making sure the ICC does not change its mind and put a stop on the highest TRP generating incidents attached to cricket. 

As Mrs. Vishaka Hari wrapped up the proceedings of the day, one could hear the audience, including Billy Bowden sigh a “Ada Raaama”

Word of the Day:

Billy Sooniyam:   Actions done to jinx the batsmen and make Billy Bowden rule him out for a duck.

———————————————————————————————————————–

* Vishaka Hari is a musician from Chennai. She is a practitioner of an age-old art form of Kathakalakshepam, the art of story telling, weaving together music in a concert-discourse format. The anagram solving crowd of Chennai call her the Shahari kavi (Urban Poet)

* Credits to Srihari for the Periplaneta Australiana pj. #Respect

Disclaimer: My brief knowledge of Ramayana comes from reading the Amar Chitra Katha version. So any wrong references shall please be highlighted so that i can “echa thottu azhuchufy” them from this post!!

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Comments»

1. Iswarya - November 25, 2010

Pulling Streeling, Billy Sooniyam, Ai-ODI-ya, You-duh Kanda – phew I lost count! A tad long, but good read 🙂

2. bharadwaj - November 25, 2010

awesome post machan!!!!!!!!!!! nice!!!

one doubt… sundara kanda deals with hanuman… so write something related to symonds controversy da…

Mukundhan - November 25, 2010

Whats the fun in the obvious reference…but yeah, may be the reference to coiling around the tail to rise above Raavan’s throne was not clear enough!!!

3. Srihari - November 26, 2010

Billy Sooniyam: When aspiring management grads horribly screw up the CAT.

Mukundhan - November 26, 2010

ROFL 🙂

4. Suren Kumar - November 27, 2010

“echa thottu azhuchufy” is the typical gulgul jaljal malmal’s hypocrisy. And the word ‘billy soonyam’ got a new dimension. 😉 rock on bravo 😀


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