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FA introduces 6th Pay Commission Pay Scales for EPL Clubs July 17, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in 1/4 ball, Uncategorized.
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In a desperate attempt to help clubs attract and retain their players better, the English Football Association has announced a wave of Reforms. FA Chairman David Bernstein officially released the 140 page Swamy Publication book on player rules and regulations and some of the prominent changes to the game are as follows:

Yellow, is there anybody out there! Taking the shirt off and doing a Salman on the field will no longer yield the players a yellow card.

“Oh my maary aathaa” exclaimed a Stella Maris Student on hearing the ruling and said she is already eager for the new season to start. “Righto! No more Chi / cha expressions while I watch the game now” appended her boy-friend slyly referring to his favorite club’s youth sensation. Sepp Blatter however was against the ruling and said he would blow the cover (giggles) off the plans of the panel. Sources close to Mr. Blatter claim that the move is to woo the Maharaja of Travancore into investing a few Kgs of the unearthed gold in EPL Clubs. “Access to the ground might only be possible bare-body and with a dhoti” cried out a player afraid that the rules of the temple might apply if the maharaja does invest in the clubs. Sources from Trivandrum couldn’t get any further information except for the fact that the royal family is busy managing “God’s own capital”

Vacancy based transfers:
All players involved in transfer rumors to be sent to thanni illa kaadu

Players, Agents and Managers have been warned of initiating any transfer rumors and have strictly been given directions that the transfers would strictly be vacancy based. “A Full Time Equivalent (FTE) based manpower study would be conducted for all clubs and transfers can be initiated only if there are vacancies in the target club” said DCP Arusaamy, who has been transferred 6 times in his very short stint at work.

Scaling new heights, EPL clubs to pay players as per the 6th commission pay scales prevalent for government employees in India

To bring parity among the players and to avoid transfer deals going awry due to salary negotiations, all EPL Clubs would follow the same fixed pay scales and would pay their players accordingly. “Damn it. It worked for PSU in India. It wouldn’t even work for PSV Eindhoven here” grunted a totally unhappy Wesley Sneijder. “Oh damn. These pay scales have something called running pay bands. Do I have to say more?” questioned Berbatov lazily. “Just because I pick and manage a young team does not qualify me as a Mini-ratna” vented a totally distraught Arsene Wenger before being handed a 4 match touch-line ban by the referee.

Looks lot of fun. Let’s welcome the new season with a bang!!

In related news: Ahobila Math Chennai has been flooded with football officials who are taking Ramayana lessons to know more about “crossing the line”

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