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Frequent Outages! April 5, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in 1/4 ball, Unintentional Subject References.
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“Distance dhaan problem” said Vadivelu in this legendary piece many years ago. Over the last few months, TN Government has been facing the wrath of that distance from Delhi, the ‘Power’ Centre. Reeling under acute power shortage, the Government has spent days brainstorming to come up with an answer, not for the power situation, but on who to blame for these conditions. While the inaction of the previous DMK regime on the issue and Kudankulam protests emerged as favorites and hit the headlines in leading newspapers, Jagajaljeera Times looks at a few that did not quite make the cut.

‘Blame it on the Educational System says Cho Ramswamy’

There is something about this man that makes people (even Rajinikanth) take him seriously. We, at JT were no different and were all ears when the editor of Tughlak blamed it all on the educational system prevalent in the State. “As a nation progresses, the educational system needs to progress along. But we have taken a step back into Samacheer Kalvi. It is such a joke, you can call it Sama’jeer’ Kalvi” he vented out.

Quickly grasping that the conversation was going tangential to the smooth surfaces of the over-head area of the speaker, we did probe for further information. And that is when Mr. Cho came up with this gem putting an age old practice of remembering physics fundamentals to question. “Ohm’s law is a fundamental concept in electricity and our state lost the plot when the teacher’s taught the students to remember it as ‘Vegetarian = Iyer'”. “Such a gross generalization that takes the KFC chicken eating tambrahms out of the equation” he added. “What potential do you see for a state where the electrical engineers have no consideration for ‘current’ affairs in the community”, he questioned.

Such astute observations could have made headlines and trended in twitter if only someone had identified that Cho Ramswamy anagrams to “Awry ohm scam”. Wasted opportunity, really.

‘It is but a bizarre Japanese game!’ tweets Anand Ramachandran

In what has to be termed as a simple, yet wonderful theory, Anand Ramachandran attributed the power-cuts to an attempt by Nintendo to increase the sale of wii-series in Tamil Nadu. This piece of news could have made S.U.Saravanakumar more famous than Dr. UdhayaKumar, but sigh, the inactivity of @bigfatphoenix in the twitter circuits meant the news fizzled out after catching the eye of just a few of his very avid followers.

“Crazy, Manchester United followers are Crazy” tweets Venkatananth

This @venkatananth tweet surprised us. Quite unexpected from a Manchester United fan that. We approached him for further information and a short and sweet conversation later we had just one lingering thought in mind. “What is the premise for so many people in TN to support Manchester United when its Chelsea football club that has got Cole”. Valid point right? We do not have an answer for that question, but we do know that if there is someone who could do with some load shedding, it is R. Ashwin. That’s a different conversation altogether isn’t it.

“When I just thought I could leave you on that note, I am informed that Jayalalitha in a joint press conference with Sasikala has just attributed the entire problem in the state to “Generation gap” and mentioned that all is well if the old man of TN leaves the scene.”


Dunk and Fetch her!! September 9, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in 1/4 ball, Ball Games, kaduppetharaan my laardu.
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Duncan Fletcher, Team India Coach, has hit the headlines for all the wrong reason after the team’s wretched run in England. While there are increasing speculations of BCCI axing him from the job, legendary Football Coach Sir Alex Ferguson has defended the ex-Zimbabwean cricketer. He indeed believes Fletcher’s capabilities have nothing to do with Team India’s performance and that he would hire Fletcher in some position in United if need be.

“I don’t find anything wrong with him. It is just that his team right now is devoid of puns” commented Ferguson.

“Ferguson hit it right on the money with that point” agreed United’s Chief Executive David Gill. “In a media dominated sport, it is required to buck down and take note of the punning standards demanded by the industry” he said before going on to express how United themselves have strengthened the squad with pun friendly names to challenge the Messy, the Abide-all and the Villas of the world.

“True Story! What more do you need from your team than an opportunity to come up with twitter status: Cleverly passed, well-backed. The opposition defense thus put in Wayne” questioned a jubilant United fan enjoying the 100% start to the season. “Park assist” that’s all I ask for, bubbled a gang of girls among the United Patriots.

Back in India, people couldn’t agree more with SAF. “We are at a period when BCCI funded phrases ‘Off stump went for a walk in the park’ or ‘that went to the boundary like a tracer bullet’ don’t interest us anymore. We need puns, we need it now more than ever”, commented an obviously agitated Indian fan.

“Sportscentre Asia also ran a report on the linkage between puns and Indian Team’s winning ways with references to “Wad–e–car jeetha hai”, the headlines after India’s famous victory in 1971 and references to times when even lackluster commentators came up with “Leave the dosa and the idly. Get the uthappa”. The show ended with Gautham Bhemani commenting “Jeet keliye Har bhajan zaroori hota hai yaar” before heading to Vaishnavo Devi temple to pray for a solitary victory in the tour.

In Related News: Monty ‘Pun’esar has been recruited by the BCCI as a scout to identify cricketers with names that match the required punning standards.

FA introduces 6th Pay Commission Pay Scales for EPL Clubs July 17, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in 1/4 ball, Uncategorized.
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In a desperate attempt to help clubs attract and retain their players better, the English Football Association has announced a wave of Reforms. FA Chairman David Bernstein officially released the 140 page Swamy Publication book on player rules and regulations and some of the prominent changes to the game are as follows:

Yellow, is there anybody out there! Taking the shirt off and doing a Salman on the field will no longer yield the players a yellow card.

“Oh my maary aathaa” exclaimed a Stella Maris Student on hearing the ruling and said she is already eager for the new season to start. “Righto! No more Chi / cha expressions while I watch the game now” appended her boy-friend slyly referring to his favorite club’s youth sensation. Sepp Blatter however was against the ruling and said he would blow the cover (giggles) off the plans of the panel. Sources close to Mr. Blatter claim that the move is to woo the Maharaja of Travancore into investing a few Kgs of the unearthed gold in EPL Clubs. “Access to the ground might only be possible bare-body and with a dhoti” cried out a player afraid that the rules of the temple might apply if the maharaja does invest in the clubs. Sources from Trivandrum couldn’t get any further information except for the fact that the royal family is busy managing “God’s own capital”

Vacancy based transfers:
All players involved in transfer rumors to be sent to thanni illa kaadu

Players, Agents and Managers have been warned of initiating any transfer rumors and have strictly been given directions that the transfers would strictly be vacancy based. “A Full Time Equivalent (FTE) based manpower study would be conducted for all clubs and transfers can be initiated only if there are vacancies in the target club” said DCP Arusaamy, who has been transferred 6 times in his very short stint at work.

Scaling new heights, EPL clubs to pay players as per the 6th commission pay scales prevalent for government employees in India

To bring parity among the players and to avoid transfer deals going awry due to salary negotiations, all EPL Clubs would follow the same fixed pay scales and would pay their players accordingly. “Damn it. It worked for PSU in India. It wouldn’t even work for PSV Eindhoven here” grunted a totally unhappy Wesley Sneijder. “Oh damn. These pay scales have something called running pay bands. Do I have to say more?” questioned Berbatov lazily. “Just because I pick and manage a young team does not qualify me as a Mini-ratna” vented a totally distraught Arsene Wenger before being handed a 4 match touch-line ban by the referee.

Looks lot of fun. Let’s welcome the new season with a bang!!

In related news: Ahobila Math Chennai has been flooded with football officials who are taking Ramayana lessons to know more about “crossing the line”