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Ritchie street trader disrupts ammavasai tharpanam July 25, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in Aachaaram & Abachaaram, My Laardu.
3 comments

The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India (ICAI) and the traders from Ritchie Street are at loggerheads. The row apparently started after Panchapakesan, an employee of ICAI was treated with disdain by a trader from Ritchie Street who sent Onion and ALU Chips during ammavasai tharpanam.

“Vedic principles when not carried out the way they are defined results in a sin-tax error” said the auditor returning after filing a case under section 153A of the Indian Penal Code against the trader. “I wanted to stop this religious discrimination. But god, filing a case is a TDS process” he added. The reason for the rage, the sources say, is the prevalent belief among the traders that the Brahmins in ICAI are the prime cause for the increase in the VAT rates announced. “After-all, they are VAThima” said an agitated trader whose business of selling ready-made projects to engineering graduates has taken a beating thanks to increased prices of electronic goods. “VAT the eff…So why dint the take on the Christians and the VATican then??!!” questioned an Ahobila Matt professor extending support to the people in his agraharam. “These guys must be A-wit-ta nakshatram. They talk funny. #Whattay” tweeted Crazy Mohan. He also extended support to Suresh Kalmadi who is suffering from dementia and intended to bury their differences over the commonwealth games.

“Did you say Chartered Accountants at loggerheads? That’s Priori in-CA-ntatem right?” chuckled an articled assistant, who used all this diversion to sneak to Satyam to catch up with the latest and the last HP movie. “Hope they scrap the CA exam” grunted another student still recovering from a failure in the recently released CA results. “I have been tracking Sachin’s Form ever since he was 16, been tracking the injuries and the players filing for return tickets and continuously play call of (import / export) duty. But I still haven’t worked out a way to clear the Direct Tax paper” he added without much ado.

All in the good books!!

In Related News: The producers of the latest Vikram movie, Deivathirumagal, have been issued a notice by the IT department for changing the gender of the movie title in the last minute to get tax rebates.

In other news: Renowned numerologist, Dr Sai R Arul Murugan, has advised Sachin to purchase the German automobile during the Audi-sale in South India, to get that 100th century that has been eluding him.

Vishaka Hari catches Billy Bowden plumb in front of the wicket! November 25, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Aachaaram & Abachaaram, Ball Games, Geography of Accident, History of Incident.
6 comments

The Kathakalakshepam of Mrs. Vishaka Hari* in the Music Academy had a very special visitor today. The Mylapore Maamas and the Chitrakolam Maamis among the audience were blessed with the presence of elite New Zealand umpire, Mr. Billy Bowden. In what has to be termed as a very unique rendezvous, Billy Bowden was made to believe that there can be avatars that are not James Cameron made while the Hindu Crossword solving, Parthasarathy Temple visiting junta learnt that “Going down leg” always does not refer to the dhoti draping technique employed on the bride-groom during South Indian weddings.

Mrs. Hari, whose recent trip to Satya Bazaar to get pirated version of Tally 9 ended with her carrying back a handful of DVDs with cricket footages, decided to customize the construct of her Ramayana to keep the New Zealander engrossed. Read on as she, along with a few celebrities among the audience; elucidate how the various Kandas of Ramayana influenced ICC and there-by the world of cricket.

No Ball-a Kanda

Haroon Logat, the Chairman of ICC was a worried man. He had three elite panel umpires watching over the proceedings of the test match between England & Pakistan, but none powerful enough to spot and take action against the deliberate no balls bowled. Anxious to produce an impact and get some direction, he hired Pujara (who anyway has been kept out of the team) to perform a sacrifice where the commentary tapes of Ramiz Raja, Madan Lal and Moinder Amarnath would be burnt down to the ground. They termed it “Put-the Commentary on the Yagna”

As a consequence, the ICC was endowed with ideas of various degrees. When they reduced the acceptable limit to 15 degrees, legalizing match fixing came out as the most practical of the lot. The ICC issued a 3 point directive towards implementing this idea.

  • Mr. Sharad Pawar to strike deals with tamilmatrimony.com and shaadi.com to conduct Swayamvar each year and fix matches in a fair and transparent manner;
  • Bowlers to bow down and do “thoppu kaaranam” to the “Kann Drishti Ganapathy” before delivering intentional no-balls as it is act of duping the umpire eyesight;
  • Mr. Billy BOWden to facilitate implementation of this legalizing framework

Ayyo-ODI-ya Kanda

A phase when ICC, desperate to save the dying modes of ODI & Test Cricket, yielded to Cricket Australia’s request of sending Sachin Tendulkar in exile from all forms of cricket for a period of 14 months, a move that meant Sachin could miss the ICC World Cup in 2011. “They have Boon. We had to abide”, commented D.A.S Hart, a hapless ICC Official.

Dravid and Laxman too followed Sachin in his exile. “The pitches where you do-well is Aii-ODI-ya for us. ODI without you is a veritable hell”, they stated and extended support to Sachin while being subtle at putting across to the media the reason behind their absence from the ODI squad.

A-run-ya Kanda

There has always been a grey area in cricket on the criteria on which a by-runner can be allowed for a batsman. Umpires have found themselves in an embarrassing situation of having to allow a by-runner just because the player got enticed by double deer basmati rice during lunch break and became too heavy to sneak a quick single.

The ICC recently created a ruling giving the umpire the power to draw the line when it comes to the runner issue. Many players are bound to get “nose-cuts” following this ruling but some players might still end up getting what they wanted.

Krish-kind-hai Kanda

 Sundary’s Kanda

Women cricket has always been an area of concern for the ICC. Faced with a commitment to position this version in par with the male version of the game, the ICC made a few modifications to the rules ofthe game. “Men Cricket was sitting on a throne high above and we had to create a strong foundation and coil around a few rules to make them come to the same level, if not higher than that the exponents of the game” said an ICC Spokesperson.  One of the key changes brought about was to eliminate bouncers from the game. Sourav Ganguly, one of the key members of the committee who voted for this ruling said “The pull shot is a very difficult one to execute and we dont want our women to drain their energies on that”. Kiran Bedi welcomed the ruling and said “Pulling streeling does sometimes result in eve-teasing case on pulling and hence it needs to be avoided”   

You-duh Kanda

Sledging or the War of Words in the field has always been a stain the clean fabric of the Gentleman Sport. The ICC after much deliberation decided to leave that as part of the game. “Even Lord Rama had a showdown with Raavana. Why cant these players have some fun”, commented a Headlines Today reporter making sure the ICC does not change its mind and put a stop on the highest TRP generating incidents attached to cricket. 

As Mrs. Vishaka Hari wrapped up the proceedings of the day, one could hear the audience, including Billy Bowden sigh a “Ada Raaama”

Word of the Day:

Billy Sooniyam:   Actions done to jinx the batsmen and make Billy Bowden rule him out for a duck.

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* Vishaka Hari is a musician from Chennai. She is a practitioner of an age-old art form of Kathakalakshepam, the art of story telling, weaving together music in a concert-discourse format. The anagram solving crowd of Chennai call her the Shahari kavi (Urban Poet)

* Credits to Srihari for the Periplaneta Australiana pj. #Respect

Disclaimer: My brief knowledge of Ramayana comes from reading the Amar Chitra Katha version. So any wrong references shall please be highlighted so that i can “echa thottu azhuchufy” them from this post!!

Sun Pictures gets stay order for release of “127 hours” in India November 22, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Aachaaram & Abachaaram, Paalitics & Bijiness, Padam aka Plim, Unintentional Subject References.
1 comment so far

Danny Boyle, well known English filmmaker, might well have lost his love for India. The academic award winning director, it is believed, has been enraged by one of the biggest production houses of South India, the Sun Pictures. The production house has obtained a stay order for the release of Danny’s latest venture “127 hours” in India. It is believed that Danny’s refusal to allow the South Indian Production giant to distribute the movie in India has resulted in this roadblock for the director.  

Sources say that representatives of Sun Pictures met Danny way back in May offering to distribute his movie “127 hours” in India, an offer that Danny refused immediately. “They did not understand the plot of the movie. Just because the movie is based in the mountains, they wanted to name it KAL-ki Kahani (K3). It did not sound inviting enough. I might have considered it had they named it K12. It would have at-least symbolized that I am at the peak of my career”, lamented Danny Boyle.

Kalanidhi Maran said the move was made with a socialistic motive. “Our honorable Chief Minister will be distributing Saris and Dhotis to the people this Pongal. Staying with the tradition of the party, I want to distribute the 127 hours to the time deprived GenNext of India” said Kalanidhi Maran. “They can now use this time to watch our offerings in Sun Direct”, he added clearly showing his acumen to integrate processes in the Entertainment Value chain.    

"Cho Ramaswamy explains to Karunanidhi how naming the Danny Boyle movie Kalki would encourage the middle class tambrams (who provide continuous patronage for the book by the name) to go trekking

“Lesser the volume of your crew, greater is the pressure from other sources. Boyle, of all people should have realized this inverse proportionality”, commented a chemistry teacher from Arpudharaj Matriculation Higher Secondary School. “So this is what everything in South India Boyles down to, is it?” wondered one of his students.

“I don’t understand Danny’s apprehension towards the suggested name. Kalki is a renowned writer in this part of the world and not sporting his name is not going to help with his movie reviews” commented Cho Ramaswamy. Though, Dr. Rajendra Prasad & Yuhi Sethu both disagreed to Mr. Cho’s comments. “Taking a 127 hours movie in 93 minutes signifies relative time in the time-space continuum” quoted Dr. Rajendra Prasad stressing that the prefix to his name is indeed because of his scholarly knowledge. “Yes, Danny swept the Oscars under the red carpet with his Slumdog Millionaire. Time-space continuum with 127 hours would have been a smooth drive down to the Royal Swedish Academy of Science to receive a Nobel or two” agreed Yuhi Sethu, depicting the sweep and the drive as he mentioned those words in his sentence. “Talking of drives and sweeps, if Anjum Chopra played an on-drive, would it be renamed a Pen Drive” he chuckled clearly making his pitch to Vijay TV for restarting his TV Series ”Yuhi udan World Cup” before the cricket edition next year.

As a ripple effect to the entire incident, the FBI has initiated investigations on the monopoly of movie distribution that seem to be developing in South India.  In what is believed to be an under-cover operation, agents would attach themselves to the crew of the movie to carry out investigations. Officials in the Indian Intelligence System are not very optimistic about the success of the operation though. “Danny Crew or Nancy Drew”, wondered a retired RAW officer from Chennai while warming up to crack a different anagram in his Sunday Hindu Crossword.

Would ARR be just playing the music for the Nobel Laureates this year or would he be one of the Laureates, only time would tell!!

In related news: Madan Lal has been approached to provide commentary for the Director’s cut of the movie. Everyone who expected Geoff might as well Boycott the movie.

Al Gore & Trigonometry September 10, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Aachaaram & Abachaaram, Kanakku (yeah the math too!!).
1 comment so far

When India was under British rule, down south, Veda classes were taught in English. One such class was presided over by Mr. Gore, Great great Grandfather of Mr. Al Gore (It is believed that, in an attempt to standardise names in the family and to avoid Gore Jr, Gore the Second and things like that, theye made them All Gore…Anyway, not relevant to this trivia). The veda taught in that particular class was Rig Veda. A bright young boy from an orthodox family had a doubt with English translations. He asked the question : Is Sin = Theeta. This incident is believed to have created waves (which later came to be known as the sinusoidal waves) and is the birth of tRIGonometry.

As Gore presided over the class, he was called the father of Trigonometry and the most important theorem in the subject was named after him “Pytha-Gore’s” theorem 🙂 (Father – Gore’s theorem for the linguistically challenged)