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Adetail and the art of declaration! January 5, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Ball Games, Geography of Accident, History of Incident.
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While the wider sports fraternity and the media welcomed the decision of AIPS to honor Dhoni as the first cricketer to get the fair play award, certain associations like BONGU (Bengal Origins Nurturing Gully-cricket Unfairness) termed the felicitation a farce and an outright ignorance of Gully Cricket Principles. Terming Dhoni’s reaction as nothing but a simple act of following the rule book, the chief secretary of the association expressed concerns over the drop in morale of various street cricketers who have, in line with the regulations of gully cricket, given their opponents many “osi gaajis”.

“If at all there is a deserving candidate for this award, it has got to be our ex-chairman, Sourav Ganguly” mentioned a representative from BONGU as he went on to say “how Dada batted left handed all his career, in line with the tradition of gully cricket, to ensure balance between the teams at the international level”.

 

Aruna Sairam, known for her skill of delivering in tracks down under, recommended that the Indian bowlers pitch it up a little”

The committee has gone on to even hypothesize gully cricket rules as an alternative to the present ICC rules that is drawing a lot of flak. “While there are rules like extra life favoring the batsmen, there are also rules like a wicket when you get the batsmen beaten thrice or the batsman hits the ball out of the ground twice. There is no other rule book that puts bowlers and batsmen on level ground. As a matter of fact, gully cricket puts more batsmen and bowlers on the same ground” said one of the budding cricketers at Somasundaram ground before being chided by a group of people for fielding their ball by mistake.

Kris Srikkanth welcomed the suggestion and mentioned that the gully cricket rule book remains one of the most under-rated historic anecdotes and that its high-time someone gave it its due. It is believed that a copy paste + customization routine by a consultant appointed by Jefferson on this certain reference in the rule book resulted in one of the most powerful English sentences in history.

“We hold these rules to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their fellow cricketer with certain unalienable rights, two numbers of free-lefts, one life (osi gaaji) and liberty of free trials for his pursuit of Happiness” Rule 14, Gully Cricket Rule Book,300 BC”

However, Jagajaljeera Times found no references to support this claim.

The ICC was silent on the whole issue, however, sources close to Haroon Lorgat claim that the ICC are seriously considering options like captains picking teams before matches in T20 matches to avoid issues around auctions and “kuniyavechu” batting order finalisations.

Dunk and Fetch her!! September 9, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in 1/4 ball, Ball Games, kaduppetharaan my laardu.
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Duncan Fletcher, Team India Coach, has hit the headlines for all the wrong reason after the team’s wretched run in England. While there are increasing speculations of BCCI axing him from the job, legendary Football Coach Sir Alex Ferguson has defended the ex-Zimbabwean cricketer. He indeed believes Fletcher’s capabilities have nothing to do with Team India’s performance and that he would hire Fletcher in some position in United if need be.

“I don’t find anything wrong with him. It is just that his team right now is devoid of puns” commented Ferguson.

“Ferguson hit it right on the money with that point” agreed United’s Chief Executive David Gill. “In a media dominated sport, it is required to buck down and take note of the punning standards demanded by the industry” he said before going on to express how United themselves have strengthened the squad with pun friendly names to challenge the Messy, the Abide-all and the Villas of the world.

“True Story! What more do you need from your team than an opportunity to come up with twitter status: Cleverly passed, well-backed. The opposition defense thus put in Wayne” questioned a jubilant United fan enjoying the 100% start to the season. “Park assist” that’s all I ask for, bubbled a gang of girls among the United Patriots.

Back in India, people couldn’t agree more with SAF. “We are at a period when BCCI funded phrases ‘Off stump went for a walk in the park’ or ‘that went to the boundary like a tracer bullet’ don’t interest us anymore. We need puns, we need it now more than ever”, commented an obviously agitated Indian fan.

“Sportscentre Asia also ran a report on the linkage between puns and Indian Team’s winning ways with references to “Wad–e–car jeetha hai”, the headlines after India’s famous victory in 1971 and references to times when even lackluster commentators came up with “Leave the dosa and the idly. Get the uthappa”. The show ended with Gautham Bhemani commenting “Jeet keliye Har bhajan zaroori hota hai yaar” before heading to Vaishnavo Devi temple to pray for a solitary victory in the tour.

In Related News: Monty ‘Pun’esar has been recruited by the BCCI as a scout to identify cricketers with names that match the required punning standards.

ZNDB’s turn-over rate drops: Dhoni Penalized August 1, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in Ball Games, Paalitics & Bijiness.
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Things seem to get from bad to worse for M.S. Dhoni, who is having a “Kann Dhrishti Ganapathy” tournament in England. Already struggling to avoid a match ban owing to the slow over-rate of the team, the Indian Captain has run into heavy weather with his supporters in Bollywood back home. Dhoni’s decision to re-call Bell and give him a life might seem like good sportsmanship; however the producers and the cast of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara have taken offense as it practically disproves the theme and the title of their story. “This is when the bell begins to (take its) toll” lamented Farhan Akthar as Boxofficeindia.com reported a 2% drop in collections from the movie after Dhoni’s decision in Trent Bridge.

“The BCCI held a meeting this morning and has decided to compensate the producers with what they call the Mani (#Tamil) back offer”, announced Kris Srikkanth before going onto say how much he liked the Tamil movie Thanga-mani Ranga-mani. Dhoni was not available for comment on the incident as the captain was busy handling the issue of his bounced cheque. “He needs to improve his technique to handle the bounce”, commented Sunny Gavaskar cheekily.

“If only BJP leadership did a MSD, Yeddyurappa would have got ‘Bell’ary”, commented a party member who requested his name be kept confidential to avoid any BJP rapping. “While on the topic of the tainted Karnataka CM, wouldn’t current affair news induced by exposure to the mining fields be called Yeddy Currents?” questioned a Physics IIT professor while revealing an analysis that following home-boy Rahul Dravid and the massive time he spends on the crease is the main reason for the IIT JEE Conversion rate in the State to be less compared to that in Andhra.

In related news elsewhere down south, the TN Police have registered a case on the English Cricket Board (ECB) for illegal land grabbing. “The ground is Lord’s. It’s not only illegal but it is also against religious sentiments” claimed a chief law enforcement official.

Kapil Sibal gets caught at (a) Silly Point!! February 11, 2011

Posted by Mukundhan in Ball Games, Paalitics & Bijiness, Unintentional Subject References.
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Warning: Still rusty from the break in blogging. Pliss to excuse mediocrity!

Students in Chennai today staged a demonstration against the Minister of Human Resource Development, Mr. Kapil Sibal. The apparent overlap in schedules of the ICC World Cup with the State Board Examinations in Tamil Nadu, and the minister being non-responsive to the petitions submitted for postponement of the examinations has been attributed to the frenzy. “In the month of ODIs, who needs Tests”, commented a student amidst chants of “ODI Po” directed at the minister.

The state law enforcement department was taken aback by these demonstrations. “The Chennai crowd is supposedly the most disciplined of the lot. We did not expect this”, said a senior police official. Yuhi Sethu, ace South-Indian Media Representative disagreed though. “The Chennai crowd is two faced. The people who gave a standing ovation for Pakistan were the same ones who named the street Che-Pak”, he said enforcing his eye for detail that he had donned since his Ramana days.

Kapil Sibal, meanwhile, in an attempt to respond strongly, rubbished the demands of the students and pledged to remove any force that deters education in India. As a follow up measure, the minister even banned Pink Floyd in India for their outburst “We don’t need no education”.

Sibal tries to get into a-chord as recent developments have landed him in deep waters!!

The move by the minister, though bold, added fuel to the fire and prompted college students into joining the rally against him. “Does he know that any object, wholly or partially immersed in Waters, is buoyed up by a force equal to the weight (gethu) of Waters??” lamented a student of IIT Chennai. “This is outrageous. He took a dig at Newton when he started investigating the spectrum. Now he thinks he can mess in principle with Archimedes?? We wouldn’t let that happen” vowed another college graduate.

Leader of the opposition, Mr. Advani, when questioned on the developments, smiled sheepishly and murmured “Eureka!”. “Rekha? Where!!”  jumped an excited Big B before being grounded by Jaya while the junior Bachan wondered if “U-Rekha” would have been a better catch phrase than “Get Idea”.

In other related developments: Buddadeb Bhattacharya has passed an order restraining the band Eagles from performing in India as he believes the band’s album “The long road out of Eden” instigated the ICC towards passing the order against the ground.

Oz-Kay-Ode December 26, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Ball Games.
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(Written by Srihari Radhakrishnan, during the days we blogged together for Corporate Kathrikka Times)

Date: Feb 2, 2039 AD

Place: Tasmanian Recording Studios, Hobart

Name of Band: Kink Boyd

Band Members: Daniel Vettori aged 60 & Ricky Ponting aged 65

Name of Single: Sigh, Dopes! (Commemorating the 30 year anniversary of Brad Haddin’s ingenious ploy to dismiss New Zealand batsman Broom)

<Track begins with a the sound of a bell reverberating across the walls of the studio >

<Dan starts off, in his deep booming voice>

Beyond the horizon was a pitch that was laid when we were young

In a world of fags, bets and debacles

Our bats flayed constantly, but without boundary

The ringing of the Law Revision bell had begun

Along the wrong road and on down the toss-way

Do they still cheat there by the cut

There was a dogged stand that wallowed in our sooty steps

Leaving before I took their dreams away

Leaving the myriad small creatures crying to tie us to the ground

To a strife consumed by blows and decay

<Now Ricky takes over>

The draws were cleaner

The fights were tighter

The haste was neater

The nights of blunder

With pants all hounded

The darn fist blowing

The laughter slowing

The endless shiver

Forever and ever

<Long and melancholic guitar solo lasting 5:43. As the solo ends, the sound of bells fades away>

<Vettori makes a break for the exit, and runs towards Ponting’s giant two-wheeler. The song ends with Ponting yelling.>

Hey! My Harley! Hello! That’s my Harley! Damn!

Exclusive: Album cover of Sigh, Dopes!

Brad Haddin's bail out din't really help the Aussies overcome the Recession!!