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New Star Vijay in the (mental) block December 27, 2013

Posted by Mukundhan in Geography of Accident, History of Incident.
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Desperate to overcome the stereotype of conceptualizing programs inspired by the Hindi counterparts, playing the same movie over & over again and awarding Santhanam for being the best comedian each year, Vijay TV has lined up a few innovative concepts that they believe would keep the audience riveted to the channel in the coming weeks. Jagajaljeera Times correspondents, having spent considerable time in the proximity of the Vijay TV office stuck in the none-come-back-um traffic, bring first-hand information of these developments.

Marghazhi Maha utsavam – Super Singer Mashup
A panel with the likes of Sankarabaranam Sankara Saastri, Sindhu Bairavi JKB and Bilahari Marthandam Pillai judging a pitch presentation of Aruna Sairam or a “well” played (Harris Jeyraj esque) rendition by Bombay Jaishree. And all this served with some break-time banter between Sanjay Subramanyam and Yuhi Sethu on cricket, life and everything else. The proposed “Marghazhi Maha Utsavam – Super Singer Mashup” is already crying out for a TRP rating of MMUSStt watch.

While the response to this mouth-watering prospect has been predominantly positive, there still are a few doubters. O S Arun, despite the oozing positivity in his initials, has questioned the commercial viability of mainstream Carnatic music. There are also some hushed criticism and doubts surrounding the inclusion of Shobha Chandrasekhar among the singers: Sequel or Squeal #YouPrefer tweeted an angry Balamurali Krishna.

Nonetheless, we at Jagaljaljeera Times feel it is still definitely a better prospect to watching a program judged by TR. No one wants to hear comments like “Nee podra gamakam. Malli poo superaa gamakum” right???!!

Oru Varthai Oru Latchiyam
Thinking about it now, given that Vijay TV and Prometric Test Centre share the same compound, it is a logical that James Vasanthan’s short yet successful game-show would now feature GRE Word List. With a promise of “Visa Application filling assistance” and “Pass to break the queue at the US embassy” for the winners, this program is sure to appeal to the final year college grads. “My road to Rhodes, Memphis” said a jubilant Engineering Graduate before quoting a trivia about the place – “Memphis is a dry region you know. You see Memphis Raines – Gone in 60 seconds” he chuckled.

The Vijay Maps App
“In a season of AAP and App, Vijay TV does not want to feel left out” mentioned a jubilant Gobinath as he unveiled the Vijay Maps App for Android Phones. Highlighting the features of the app, he mentioned that the map has incorporated all promises made by the “Land / Property Bazaar” shows conducted by the channel including key elements like Porur being the central hub of the city and Kanchipuram being just 10 Kms from Chennai.

Sources from the television channel mention that a couple of yester year mega-serial actors would be roped up for this filler event and that they would judiciously provide a detailed account on using the application and eventually making some investment in it.


Tamil Film Industry seeks Government support for ‘Major’ revamp October 14, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Geography of Accident, History of Incident, Padam aka Plim.
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Superstar’s health, Government Project-esque delays in Kamal’s film releases and an overall transition phase with veterans departing the scene and the next generation not taking up the mantle has left the Tamil Film Industry in deep crisis. Even the ‘Kohli Sentiment’ (that used to make wonders in the 90s) that is currently helping Team India (in a similar situation) seems to have failed in providing the Industry with a much needed hit for the year. The glitz and glamour of Kodambakkam has faded out considerably and is reflecting in the dwindling number of film-star marriages that have happened at Ragavendra Kalyana Mandapam.

Desperate to pull the industry out of the crisis, the producer’s association has decided to take the Major Sundarrajan route and make bilingual movies (obviously in Tamil and English). “The idea of talking in English and immediately translating to Tamil (spearheaded in the past by Major) helped the industry cater to the urban and rural population alike. This seems to have gone a begging in the recent movies.” said a producer suggesting a director combo of Gautham Vasudev Menon and Rasu Madhuravan in the future. Rajagopalan of the VETA fame couldn’t agree more and said he was ready to pen the dialogues in such movies in the future if need be. Director Mani Ratnam however had his disagreements with the concept and said “subtle text” trumps over “sub-titled text”.

Undeterred by minor disagreements, the Producer’s association has gone ahead with the first project under this scheme – “Arrear (Badava Rascal)” a movie on six Iyer boys who are sent to Rasipuram after failing their IIT JEE. Badava Gopi plays the male lead while the female lead is rumored to be Blaise Pascal’s grand-daughter Puola Rascaul. The association is believed to have approached the Government for some assistance. “They wanted us to make some policy changes to bring back music director Deva, a veteran of Foreign Direct Investment in the Entertainment Sector” said a government spokesman. “They wanted to avoid any major flaws in the minor chords”, he added. The other bit of financial assistance was to travel to Australia for a song shoot. “Times like this do demand for some aus-territory measures” they seem to suggest.

Is this change what Vijay suggested he was waiting for?? Only time will tell.

Adetail and the art of declaration! January 5, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Ball Games, Geography of Accident, History of Incident.
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While the wider sports fraternity and the media welcomed the decision of AIPS to honor Dhoni as the first cricketer to get the fair play award, certain associations like BONGU (Bengal Origins Nurturing Gully-cricket Unfairness) termed the felicitation a farce and an outright ignorance of Gully Cricket Principles. Terming Dhoni’s reaction as nothing but a simple act of following the rule book, the chief secretary of the association expressed concerns over the drop in morale of various street cricketers who have, in line with the regulations of gully cricket, given their opponents many “osi gaajis”.

“If at all there is a deserving candidate for this award, it has got to be our ex-chairman, Sourav Ganguly” mentioned a representative from BONGU as he went on to say “how Dada batted left handed all his career, in line with the tradition of gully cricket, to ensure balance between the teams at the international level”.


Aruna Sairam, known for her skill of delivering in tracks down under, recommended that the Indian bowlers pitch it up a little”

The committee has gone on to even hypothesize gully cricket rules as an alternative to the present ICC rules that is drawing a lot of flak. “While there are rules like extra life favoring the batsmen, there are also rules like a wicket when you get the batsmen beaten thrice or the batsman hits the ball out of the ground twice. There is no other rule book that puts bowlers and batsmen on level ground. As a matter of fact, gully cricket puts more batsmen and bowlers on the same ground” said one of the budding cricketers at Somasundaram ground before being chided by a group of people for fielding their ball by mistake.

Kris Srikkanth welcomed the suggestion and mentioned that the gully cricket rule book remains one of the most under-rated historic anecdotes and that its high-time someone gave it its due. It is believed that a copy paste + customization routine by a consultant appointed by Jefferson on this certain reference in the rule book resulted in one of the most powerful English sentences in history.

“We hold these rules to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their fellow cricketer with certain unalienable rights, two numbers of free-lefts, one life (osi gaaji) and liberty of free trials for his pursuit of Happiness” Rule 14, Gully Cricket Rule Book,300 BC”

However, Jagajaljeera Times found no references to support this claim.

The ICC was silent on the whole issue, however, sources close to Haroon Lorgat claim that the ICC are seriously considering options like captains picking teams before matches in T20 matches to avoid issues around auctions and “kuniyavechu” batting order finalisations.

Vishaka Hari catches Billy Bowden plumb in front of the wicket! November 25, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Aachaaram & Abachaaram, Ball Games, Geography of Accident, History of Incident.

The Kathakalakshepam of Mrs. Vishaka Hari* in the Music Academy had a very special visitor today. The Mylapore Maamas and the Chitrakolam Maamis among the audience were blessed with the presence of elite New Zealand umpire, Mr. Billy Bowden. In what has to be termed as a very unique rendezvous, Billy Bowden was made to believe that there can be avatars that are not James Cameron made while the Hindu Crossword solving, Parthasarathy Temple visiting junta learnt that “Going down leg” always does not refer to the dhoti draping technique employed on the bride-groom during South Indian weddings.

Mrs. Hari, whose recent trip to Satya Bazaar to get pirated version of Tally 9 ended with her carrying back a handful of DVDs with cricket footages, decided to customize the construct of her Ramayana to keep the New Zealander engrossed. Read on as she, along with a few celebrities among the audience; elucidate how the various Kandas of Ramayana influenced ICC and there-by the world of cricket.

No Ball-a Kanda

Haroon Logat, the Chairman of ICC was a worried man. He had three elite panel umpires watching over the proceedings of the test match between England & Pakistan, but none powerful enough to spot and take action against the deliberate no balls bowled. Anxious to produce an impact and get some direction, he hired Pujara (who anyway has been kept out of the team) to perform a sacrifice where the commentary tapes of Ramiz Raja, Madan Lal and Moinder Amarnath would be burnt down to the ground. They termed it “Put-the Commentary on the Yagna”

As a consequence, the ICC was endowed with ideas of various degrees. When they reduced the acceptable limit to 15 degrees, legalizing match fixing came out as the most practical of the lot. The ICC issued a 3 point directive towards implementing this idea.

  • Mr. Sharad Pawar to strike deals with tamilmatrimony.com and shaadi.com to conduct Swayamvar each year and fix matches in a fair and transparent manner;
  • Bowlers to bow down and do “thoppu kaaranam” to the “Kann Drishti Ganapathy” before delivering intentional no-balls as it is act of duping the umpire eyesight;
  • Mr. Billy BOWden to facilitate implementation of this legalizing framework

Ayyo-ODI-ya Kanda

A phase when ICC, desperate to save the dying modes of ODI & Test Cricket, yielded to Cricket Australia’s request of sending Sachin Tendulkar in exile from all forms of cricket for a period of 14 months, a move that meant Sachin could miss the ICC World Cup in 2011. “They have Boon. We had to abide”, commented D.A.S Hart, a hapless ICC Official.

Dravid and Laxman too followed Sachin in his exile. “The pitches where you do-well is Aii-ODI-ya for us. ODI without you is a veritable hell”, they stated and extended support to Sachin while being subtle at putting across to the media the reason behind their absence from the ODI squad.

A-run-ya Kanda

There has always been a grey area in cricket on the criteria on which a by-runner can be allowed for a batsman. Umpires have found themselves in an embarrassing situation of having to allow a by-runner just because the player got enticed by double deer basmati rice during lunch break and became too heavy to sneak a quick single.

The ICC recently created a ruling giving the umpire the power to draw the line when it comes to the runner issue. Many players are bound to get “nose-cuts” following this ruling but some players might still end up getting what they wanted.

Krish-kind-hai Kanda

 Sundary’s Kanda

Women cricket has always been an area of concern for the ICC. Faced with a commitment to position this version in par with the male version of the game, the ICC made a few modifications to the rules ofthe game. “Men Cricket was sitting on a throne high above and we had to create a strong foundation and coil around a few rules to make them come to the same level, if not higher than that the exponents of the game” said an ICC Spokesperson.  One of the key changes brought about was to eliminate bouncers from the game. Sourav Ganguly, one of the key members of the committee who voted for this ruling said “The pull shot is a very difficult one to execute and we dont want our women to drain their energies on that”. Kiran Bedi welcomed the ruling and said “Pulling streeling does sometimes result in eve-teasing case on pulling and hence it needs to be avoided”   

You-duh Kanda

Sledging or the War of Words in the field has always been a stain the clean fabric of the Gentleman Sport. The ICC after much deliberation decided to leave that as part of the game. “Even Lord Rama had a showdown with Raavana. Why cant these players have some fun”, commented a Headlines Today reporter making sure the ICC does not change its mind and put a stop on the highest TRP generating incidents attached to cricket. 

As Mrs. Vishaka Hari wrapped up the proceedings of the day, one could hear the audience, including Billy Bowden sigh a “Ada Raaama”

Word of the Day:

Billy Sooniyam:   Actions done to jinx the batsmen and make Billy Bowden rule him out for a duck.


* Vishaka Hari is a musician from Chennai. She is a practitioner of an age-old art form of Kathakalakshepam, the art of story telling, weaving together music in a concert-discourse format. The anagram solving crowd of Chennai call her the Shahari kavi (Urban Poet)

* Credits to Srihari for the Periplaneta Australiana pj. #Respect

Disclaimer: My brief knowledge of Ramayana comes from reading the Amar Chitra Katha version. So any wrong references shall please be highlighted so that i can “echa thottu azhuchufy” them from this post!!

Commonwealth Games: Row over Catering Contract creates North – South Divide September 10, 2010

Posted by Mukundhan in Ball Games, Geography of Accident, History of Incident, Paalitics & Bijiness, Unintentional Subject References.
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(By Mukundhan who believes there is nothing better than South Indian Cuisine to add spice to the CWG)

With the Queen’s Baton underway, Suresh Kalmadi would have predicted a smooth sailing to the start of the Commonwealth Games scheduled to start in October. But it was not to be.

Veteran South Indian Actor, Delhi Ganesan has filed a case in the Supreme Court to get a stay order for the Commonwealth Games. The CWG committee had earlier disqualified the actor’s bid to provide catering services during the commonwealth games and this seems to have angered him. The committee had quoted disqualification on grounds of no relevant experience. “Have they not seen me in Michel Madhana Kamarajan or Aaha”, questioned Delhi Ganesh angrily. “My bid went with Letter of Recommendation from Arusuvai Natrajan and Subham Ganesan. This is a disgrace to them and the entire South Indian Community”

Velu Nayakar reacts after being told that he would’nt get Kothavaranga Kootu in Commonwealth games

Crazy Mohan reacted strongly against the CWG Committee. “Kootu Kalavaniga” he said slyly punning on the expected absence of the popular south Indian dish in the CWG menu.

“DELHI Ganesan can’t cook in Delhi? Reminds me of the time when I couldn’t rent a house in Vietnam inspite of having acted in Vietnam Veedu” said Padmini making her presence felt in the media after a long time.

“Idhu seri illa.. ye teek nahi hai” (This is not right. My walking stick is not made of Teak) laments Major Sundarrajan

“The CAUSE of this rift is the differential treatment. It is a SIN and creates a negative impact” commented a maths professor who happens to be Delhi Ganesh’s neighbour in KK Nagar. Sources mention that the mention of differential treatment has also gotten Dr. Gregory House interested in the proceedings of the case.

Meanwhile, South Indian Film Chamber has decided to send Mr. Major Sundarrajan to hold talks with the CWG Committee and resolve the issue. “I will go talk to them. Mein Kaafi baath karega” said the Major leaving the people around confused. “Has the major added a new language to his repertoire? Or is he talking about the program Coffee with Karan??” wondered a reporter who attended the media briefing.

The micro-blogging space has also been flooding with reports of injustice meted out to the south Indian actor. Krish Ashok has vowed to intensify his Amit campaign while Anand Ramachandran has set his energies towards developing a video game for the north Indians where rasam would be served in banana leaf and the gamers would be required to stop the liquid from flowing out.

In related news: Sadagoppan Ramesh has blamed the south Indian media for not generating the same response when he was dropped from the Indian Cricket Team.