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Consultancy Firm prepares Vision 2025 document for Test Cricket January 2, 2013

Posted by Mukundhan in Uncategorized.
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A globally renowned consulting firm today released the Vision 2025 document outlining the broad strategic framework to save Test Cricket from its impending abyss. The publication was released today in a jazzy event organized by the BCCI, who at last seem to have realized the pressing need for the crumpled fabric of Test Cricket. Addressing the media on the context of the visioning exercise, BCCI chief N.Srinivasan said “Clearly you need seasoned consultants to resolve a format issue”.

The project head of the consulting firm said that the firms understanding of the ground realities and the translation of that into a pitch document, led to the project win. He further expressed his optimism on the success of the visioning exercise given the expertise that was roped. “We sourced retired professionals from the Tirupur factories because after-all Test Cricket was dyeing”, he chuckled before going on to state that the firm would play no role in implementation of the proposed recommendations in line with their company policy.

While this initiative to draw up a vision was welcomed, there was section of the crowd which questioned the means and decided to protest. They held up a banner: “BCCI wants consulting from 30000 Ft. Vlookup (not!)”. We gather the protestors are seeking legal help to declare the vision null and void. Apparently nothing can save test cricket like a solid defense.

Meanwhile, we learn from sources that ex-chancellor of Anna University, Mr. Balagurusami has been pretty vocal on the whole issue and recommends “Tests be renamed to exams” to improve seriousness and focus. Sema-stare wonly!!

Happy New Year Folks J

 

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2012 in review December 31, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Uncategorized.
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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 10 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Love thy neighbour October 9, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Uncategorized.
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First post in a possible series of personal anecdotes that might make their way to the Jagajaljeera Times.

Compulsory reading for anyone who has a pig, an aunt or a sense of humour” read the quote from Lindsey Davis on the cover of my companion of the day “Pigs have Wings” by PG Wodehouse.
The 170 odd minute boring journey that lay ahead seemed a little shorter as I pondered over the self-deprecation that am subjecting myself by reading that particular title aboard the flight. I also, went on to do, what most self-respecting men of my generation would do at such circumstances – updated Twitter and Facebook status before being rapped for not switching off the smart phone.

A certain meditation class that I attended as a kid had a board that read “Switch off from the routine and have a fresh sight of the surrounding”. (‘Deep’ for a kid, I know). Realized the meaning of the quote in the present context for I happened to notice an aunty, a bulky one at that, sitting next to me (Murphy, you genius) only after switching off the mobile. I thanked my lucky stars for there were no takers for the dreaded middle seat and three seats to handle the load of two, er two and a half (me being the half) was ok. The next half hour was spent reading the book, wondering if the first line of the book about the aunt and humour (see what I did there) has anything to do with this co-passenger sitting next to me, gazing at the seven stone diamond earning this co-passenger was wearing (posh!) and the solitaire game she was playing in her i-pad. I channeled my inner Sherlock to deduce this person to be an ex-government employee with a millionaire husband / an NRI kid.

All this energy spent on deductions stirred my hunger pangs and at this precise point is when the horror of the journey hit me. JET LITE SERVED NO FOOD ON-BOARD (they seemingly took the ‘Lite’ tag very seriously). Restless and angry, the mind raced at the sheer helplessness of the situation. It is at this exact juncture, a biscuit packet appeared out of nowhere like a mirage. Only after I pounced on the packet and gobbled down two biscuits, the mind cleared and the realization dawned on the source of the biscuits. (Common logic suggested that it had to be the aunty sitting next to me for I am no Robert Vadra to create something out of nothing, and even if I was, the creation would have to be a banana). As I turned towards her, she smiled and offered me two more biscuits and for this act of hers I am forever indebted.

The Presidential De‘bait’ October 5, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in kaduppetharaan my laardu, Paalitics & Bijiness, Uncategorized.
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The first presidential debate between Obama and Romney might have garnered the numbers, but it did leave the 67.2 Million Indians Global Viewers yearning for more. We understand that the White House, sensing the pulse of the viewers, is undertaking drastic measures to turn the campaign around. We at Jagajaljeera Times have insider information on a few and have listed the top 3 changes that could take place before the second debate on 15th October.

“Changes in a hurry, with Hari”

Alarmed at Obama losing out the number’s game in the first debate, the President’s office, it is believed has approached Hari (the South-Indian director) to provide the much needed support. “Hari Padam Statistics” as it is commonly known in Tamil Nadu is expected to be the decisive X-factor for Obama in the subsequent debates. An anonymous assistant director in Hari’s team claims that the director has already sent relevant scripts (including some on discussion with Murugadoss) printed in dot-matrix printer to the President. “Dot matrix because of the ‘pulli’ vivaram” he clarified.

Don’t be surprised if the President pulls off an “Ongi Adicha Ondra Ton Weight” to add punch to the debate.

Moderator – a ‘model’ solution

“Let us face it, Jim Lehrer just didn’t have it in him”, said a White House Spokesman before revealing that Jim was actually a stop gap arrangement. We have official sources informing us that Gobinath of Neeya Naana fame was the first choice for the moderator position. The Vijay TV star could not however get his VISA on time owing to the issues with the US Consulate in Chennai. Now with the Visa issues sorted and the official Vijay TV blazer / coat stitched, Gobinath is all set to handle the debate with the same ease with which he handles the overly enthusiastic participants of his TV Show.

You want a peace of me….

There are a few suggestions floating around that Obama might just live up to his “Nobel Laureate” tag and win the election the way he won the peace prize, by getting others to do the work for him. In what has to be considered a master-stroke if the news is for real, Obama has plans of packing of Romney onto a field trip with Green Peace associates to collect 1,00,000 signatures to save the forests. “Raam nee, vanavaasam po” is going to be the defining final line of the next debate, experts say.


Real Estate Developer bids to unite South India with a “Quit Chennai Movement” September 24, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in kaduppetharaan my laardu, Uncategorized.
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Move baffles State Governments and Social Science teachers alike. Public Administration Department rushed into action;

A T.N based real estate developer has, in association with other developers in the region, initiated a “Quit Chennai Movement” aimed at moving the population of the city to the outskirts. The movement has striking similarities to the “Quit India Movement” including the fact that the popular property house credits itself of creating assets since 1942, the year of the movement. The claim further substantiated by the fact that the property house operates through broadcasting messages over radio & distributing pamphlets, a signature modus operandi of the leaders during the movement.

While many claim that the movement has been gaining prominence over the last decade, it has created some serious ripples only recently after the property house advertised a piece of land (located in Andhra) as just walking distance from Chennai. The anomaly missed the eye of the government officials as the advertisement was neither in Sun or Jaya TV, but in a non-primetime slot in Star Vijay. However, the authorities were biffed into action after the CM received an angry call from her counterpart in AP. It is learnt that the Public Administration Department in the State have since been referring to TTK India States Outline map and identifying the outliers. A frustrated official from the department was last seen moaning about the inevitability of such instances “We have not even been able to curb the fourth estate. These guys have so many estates!”

The property house, however, claims that the move is not a violation, but a South Indian unification movement carried out for the welfare of the citizens. “With the metro work and take diversions, we did not want people to end up in Andhra. It is with their welfare in mind that we purchased this plot of land” claimed a marketing executive from the property house. “Also ‘stretch the limits’, ‘think beyond boundaries’ used to be just some conference jargons until we decided to put them to practice” he said highlighting the flipside to actually following things discussed in such team meetings.

The movement had its own share of Gandhian support when Mr. J.P. Gandhi, renowned career consultant, purchased the first plot of land. “Ideal piece of property for a person like me whose works involves placement counseling to students in Chennai colleges located in Andhra (almost)” he said during a break from his session on “How to communicate effectively with women at workplace” in Soka Ikeda College of Arts for Women. Meanwhile “Gate-d communities are planned and executed by the adiALUs” #mokkamondays; tweeted an electronics engineer from one of the colleges in the outskirts.

In un-related news: The property developers have developed a mobile app to help car drivers to effectively reverse in a congested setting. Last heard that the app is being actively promoted by the RTO Office.

And also etymology of the day: Ettu podradhu was derived when an angry guy said “andha ateah podanum da” when he was refused a driving license.