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Tamil Film Industry seeks Government support for ‘Major’ revamp October 14, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Geography of Accident, History of Incident, Padam aka Plim.
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Superstar’s health, Government Project-esque delays in Kamal’s film releases and an overall transition phase with veterans departing the scene and the next generation not taking up the mantle has left the Tamil Film Industry in deep crisis. Even the ‘Kohli Sentiment’ (that used to make wonders in the 90s) that is currently helping Team India (in a similar situation) seems to have failed in providing the Industry with a much needed hit for the year. The glitz and glamour of Kodambakkam has faded out considerably and is reflecting in the dwindling number of film-star marriages that have happened at Ragavendra Kalyana Mandapam.

Desperate to pull the industry out of the crisis, the producer’s association has decided to take the Major Sundarrajan route and make bilingual movies (obviously in Tamil and English). “The idea of talking in English and immediately translating to Tamil (spearheaded in the past by Major) helped the industry cater to the urban and rural population alike. This seems to have gone a begging in the recent movies.” said a producer suggesting a director combo of Gautham Vasudev Menon and Rasu Madhuravan in the future. Rajagopalan of the VETA fame couldn’t agree more and said he was ready to pen the dialogues in such movies in the future if need be. Director Mani Ratnam however had his disagreements with the concept and said “subtle text” trumps over “sub-titled text”.

Undeterred by minor disagreements, the Producer’s association has gone ahead with the first project under this scheme – “Arrear (Badava Rascal)” a movie on six Iyer boys who are sent to Rasipuram after failing their IIT JEE. Badava Gopi plays the male lead while the female lead is rumored to be Blaise Pascal’s grand-daughter Puola Rascaul. The association is believed to have approached the Government for some assistance. “They wanted us to make some policy changes to bring back music director Deva, a veteran of Foreign Direct Investment in the Entertainment Sector” said a government spokesman. “They wanted to avoid any major flaws in the minor chords”, he added. The other bit of financial assistance was to travel to Australia for a song shoot. “Times like this do demand for some aus-territory measures” they seem to suggest.

Is this change what Vijay suggested he was waiting for?? Only time will tell.


Love thy neighbour October 9, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in Uncategorized.
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First post in a possible series of personal anecdotes that might make their way to the Jagajaljeera Times.

Compulsory reading for anyone who has a pig, an aunt or a sense of humour” read the quote from Lindsey Davis on the cover of my companion of the day “Pigs have Wings” by PG Wodehouse.
The 170 odd minute boring journey that lay ahead seemed a little shorter as I pondered over the self-deprecation that am subjecting myself by reading that particular title aboard the flight. I also, went on to do, what most self-respecting men of my generation would do at such circumstances – updated Twitter and Facebook status before being rapped for not switching off the smart phone.

A certain meditation class that I attended as a kid had a board that read “Switch off from the routine and have a fresh sight of the surrounding”. (‘Deep’ for a kid, I know). Realized the meaning of the quote in the present context for I happened to notice an aunty, a bulky one at that, sitting next to me (Murphy, you genius) only after switching off the mobile. I thanked my lucky stars for there were no takers for the dreaded middle seat and three seats to handle the load of two, er two and a half (me being the half) was ok. The next half hour was spent reading the book, wondering if the first line of the book about the aunt and humour (see what I did there) has anything to do with this co-passenger sitting next to me, gazing at the seven stone diamond earning this co-passenger was wearing (posh!) and the solitaire game she was playing in her i-pad. I channeled my inner Sherlock to deduce this person to be an ex-government employee with a millionaire husband / an NRI kid.

All this energy spent on deductions stirred my hunger pangs and at this precise point is when the horror of the journey hit me. JET LITE SERVED NO FOOD ON-BOARD (they seemingly took the ‘Lite’ tag very seriously). Restless and angry, the mind raced at the sheer helplessness of the situation. It is at this exact juncture, a biscuit packet appeared out of nowhere like a mirage. Only after I pounced on the packet and gobbled down two biscuits, the mind cleared and the realization dawned on the source of the biscuits. (Common logic suggested that it had to be the aunty sitting next to me for I am no Robert Vadra to create something out of nothing, and even if I was, the creation would have to be a banana). As I turned towards her, she smiled and offered me two more biscuits and for this act of hers I am forever indebted.

The Presidential De‘bait’ October 5, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in kaduppetharaan my laardu, Paalitics & Bijiness, Uncategorized.
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The first presidential debate between Obama and Romney might have garnered the numbers, but it did leave the 67.2 Million Indians Global Viewers yearning for more. We understand that the White House, sensing the pulse of the viewers, is undertaking drastic measures to turn the campaign around. We at Jagajaljeera Times have insider information on a few and have listed the top 3 changes that could take place before the second debate on 15th October.

“Changes in a hurry, with Hari”

Alarmed at Obama losing out the number’s game in the first debate, the President’s office, it is believed has approached Hari (the South-Indian director) to provide the much needed support. “Hari Padam Statistics” as it is commonly known in Tamil Nadu is expected to be the decisive X-factor for Obama in the subsequent debates. An anonymous assistant director in Hari’s team claims that the director has already sent relevant scripts (including some on discussion with Murugadoss) printed in dot-matrix printer to the President. “Dot matrix because of the ‘pulli’ vivaram” he clarified.

Don’t be surprised if the President pulls off an “Ongi Adicha Ondra Ton Weight” to add punch to the debate.

Moderator – a ‘model’ solution

“Let us face it, Jim Lehrer just didn’t have it in him”, said a White House Spokesman before revealing that Jim was actually a stop gap arrangement. We have official sources informing us that Gobinath of Neeya Naana fame was the first choice for the moderator position. The Vijay TV star could not however get his VISA on time owing to the issues with the US Consulate in Chennai. Now with the Visa issues sorted and the official Vijay TV blazer / coat stitched, Gobinath is all set to handle the debate with the same ease with which he handles the overly enthusiastic participants of his TV Show.

You want a peace of me….

There are a few suggestions floating around that Obama might just live up to his “Nobel Laureate” tag and win the election the way he won the peace prize, by getting others to do the work for him. In what has to be considered a master-stroke if the news is for real, Obama has plans of packing of Romney onto a field trip with Green Peace associates to collect 1,00,000 signatures to save the forests. “Raam nee, vanavaasam po” is going to be the defining final line of the next debate, experts say.

Real Estate Developer bids to unite South India with a “Quit Chennai Movement” September 24, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in kaduppetharaan my laardu, Uncategorized.

Move baffles State Governments and Social Science teachers alike. Public Administration Department rushed into action;

A T.N based real estate developer has, in association with other developers in the region, initiated a “Quit Chennai Movement” aimed at moving the population of the city to the outskirts. The movement has striking similarities to the “Quit India Movement” including the fact that the popular property house credits itself of creating assets since 1942, the year of the movement. The claim further substantiated by the fact that the property house operates through broadcasting messages over radio & distributing pamphlets, a signature modus operandi of the leaders during the movement.

While many claim that the movement has been gaining prominence over the last decade, it has created some serious ripples only recently after the property house advertised a piece of land (located in Andhra) as just walking distance from Chennai. The anomaly missed the eye of the government officials as the advertisement was neither in Sun or Jaya TV, but in a non-primetime slot in Star Vijay. However, the authorities were biffed into action after the CM received an angry call from her counterpart in AP. It is learnt that the Public Administration Department in the State have since been referring to TTK India States Outline map and identifying the outliers. A frustrated official from the department was last seen moaning about the inevitability of such instances “We have not even been able to curb the fourth estate. These guys have so many estates!”

The property house, however, claims that the move is not a violation, but a South Indian unification movement carried out for the welfare of the citizens. “With the metro work and take diversions, we did not want people to end up in Andhra. It is with their welfare in mind that we purchased this plot of land” claimed a marketing executive from the property house. “Also ‘stretch the limits’, ‘think beyond boundaries’ used to be just some conference jargons until we decided to put them to practice” he said highlighting the flipside to actually following things discussed in such team meetings.

The movement had its own share of Gandhian support when Mr. J.P. Gandhi, renowned career consultant, purchased the first plot of land. “Ideal piece of property for a person like me whose works involves placement counseling to students in Chennai colleges located in Andhra (almost)” he said during a break from his session on “How to communicate effectively with women at workplace” in Soka Ikeda College of Arts for Women. Meanwhile “Gate-d communities are planned and executed by the adiALUs” #mokkamondays; tweeted an electronics engineer from one of the colleges in the outskirts.

In un-related news: The property developers have developed a mobile app to help car drivers to effectively reverse in a congested setting. Last heard that the app is being actively promoted by the RTO Office.

And also etymology of the day: Ettu podradhu was derived when an angry guy said “andha ateah podanum da” when he was refused a driving license.

Frequent Outages! April 5, 2012

Posted by Mukundhan in 1/4 ball, Unintentional Subject References.
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“Distance dhaan problem” said Vadivelu in this legendary piece many years ago. Over the last few months, TN Government has been facing the wrath of that distance from Delhi, the ‘Power’ Centre. Reeling under acute power shortage, the Government has spent days brainstorming to come up with an answer, not for the power situation, but on who to blame for these conditions. While the inaction of the previous DMK regime on the issue and Kudankulam protests emerged as favorites and hit the headlines in leading newspapers, Jagajaljeera Times looks at a few that did not quite make the cut.

‘Blame it on the Educational System says Cho Ramswamy’

There is something about this man that makes people (even Rajinikanth) take him seriously. We, at JT were no different and were all ears when the editor of Tughlak blamed it all on the educational system prevalent in the State. “As a nation progresses, the educational system needs to progress along. But we have taken a step back into Samacheer Kalvi. It is such a joke, you can call it Sama’jeer’ Kalvi” he vented out.

Quickly grasping that the conversation was going tangential to the smooth surfaces of the over-head area of the speaker, we did probe for further information. And that is when Mr. Cho came up with this gem putting an age old practice of remembering physics fundamentals to question. “Ohm’s law is a fundamental concept in electricity and our state lost the plot when the teacher’s taught the students to remember it as ‘Vegetarian = Iyer'”. “Such a gross generalization that takes the KFC chicken eating tambrahms out of the equation” he added. “What potential do you see for a state where the electrical engineers have no consideration for ‘current’ affairs in the community”, he questioned.

Such astute observations could have made headlines and trended in twitter if only someone had identified that Cho Ramswamy anagrams to “Awry ohm scam”. Wasted opportunity, really.

‘It is but a bizarre Japanese game!’ tweets Anand Ramachandran

In what has to be termed as a simple, yet wonderful theory, Anand Ramachandran attributed the power-cuts to an attempt by Nintendo to increase the sale of wii-series in Tamil Nadu. This piece of news could have made S.U.Saravanakumar more famous than Dr. UdhayaKumar, but sigh, the inactivity of @bigfatphoenix in the twitter circuits meant the news fizzled out after catching the eye of just a few of his very avid followers.

“Crazy, Manchester United followers are Crazy” tweets Venkatananth

This @venkatananth tweet surprised us. Quite unexpected from a Manchester United fan that. We approached him for further information and a short and sweet conversation later we had just one lingering thought in mind. “What is the premise for so many people in TN to support Manchester United when its Chelsea football club that has got Cole”. Valid point right? We do not have an answer for that question, but we do know that if there is someone who could do with some load shedding, it is R. Ashwin. That’s a different conversation altogether isn’t it.

“When I just thought I could leave you on that note, I am informed that Jayalalitha in a joint press conference with Sasikala has just attributed the entire problem in the state to “Generation gap” and mentioned that all is well if the old man of TN leaves the scene.”