Murdock blames Maran for News of the World Shutdown

By Mukundhan, who is in a Pun-de-mournium (agitated state of being devoid of puns). Pliss to excuse the repeat puns!

In a startling revelation, Rupert Murdoch today blamed the Additional Deputy Leader of DMK and ex Communication and IT Minister, Dayanidhi Maran for the fall of “News of the World” (NoW). The media mogul addressing a press conference after the disgraceful fall of his favorite newspaper accepted to the allegations of phone-hacking but mentioned that the issue would have not snow-bowled into this crisis had they stayed clear of the 323 phone lines held by the ex-South Indian Minister. “We tapped a line that was barred. Now we are paying a price. After-all bar is a code #tamilpun” he mentioned trying to win an audience with the south Indians. “How were we supposed to know? 323 is not even a prime number” cried out an anguished employee who is believed to have carried out the mathematical modeling for the phone tapping. “This is what happens when you employ more than one hacker to create bugs in a line. It becomes a “हमbug” proclaimed a South-Indian hacker currently jailed for bugging Mr. Pranab Mukherjee’s office. It is also believed that in a related development, renowned director and cinematographer K.V.Anand is also being investigated for his alleged involvement in the incidents which is ec’ko’ing the sentiments of all journalists across the world.

Dayanidhi Maran was unavailable for comment, while DMK Supremo, Mr. M. Karunanidhi mentioned that he had more serious issues to worry about like the sorry state of most of his party members in Tihar. Disgruntled by the state of affairs, he mentioned that he is ready to launch an anti-hindi protest all over again to protect the interest of most Tamilians in the New Delhi prison. “The curd was sour and my daughter asked the warden to make more #tamil. He apparently stood there with another cup of curd”, claimed the dis-heartened and slightly sentimental ex-CM and said he took namkeen from Sri Krishna Sweets to help Kanimozhi balance the taste of the sour curd. Suresh Kalmadi, also re-iterated to the sad state of linguistic affairs in the prison. “Even English is not understood properly here. I said “come here” to the jail superintendent and he ended up serving me less snacks than usual during out usual tea break”, he said. “It is quite an in-cell-t” commented Raja who is expecting that his other longtime friends from down south would soon give him company in the prison.

In related news: Actor Surya has moved to court against all the excessive investigative “Jo”urnalism

In totally unrelated news: Congress mastermind a musical quiz comprising of songs deva flicked from the Telugu film industry to tackle the growing fury in Andhra. The program is supposedly going to be named “Tell-en-gana”

2G Spectrum Scam: Congress forces Yuvan Shankar Raja to resign

Disclaimer: Post strictly for people well versed with the Tamil Film Industry.

The Congress Government, known for its tactical bent to deflect any charges against its members, is at it again. Reacting to the 2G Scam and widespread agitation demanding the suspension of Mr. Raja, the Congress top brass is believed to have suspended music director Yuvan Shankar Raja from all his duties. The South Indian Film Chamber today received an official correspondence from the ruling party confirming this development. “After thorough investigations on the matter, it is believed that the basis of the 2G Scam started in the movie 7G Rainbow Colony. The Congress Government demands that Mr. Yuvan Shankar Raja, who played to the tune in the movie, to be suspended from all duties with immediate effect”, read out Varadharajan, who was happy to be back in the film circuit with his usual news-reading role. “This is dedicated to Mr. K.Balachander” he added leaving everyone confused on whether the famous director had anything to do with the 2G Scam or was the news-reader just thanking his mentor in the film industry.

Yuvan Shankar Raja was shattered on hearing the news and was unavailable for comment. The musician suffered another blow as Vijaikanth, referred to as the Captain of the Tamil Film Industry, too ruled out any support. “Spectrum and Rainbow. 2G and 7G. The evidences are all stacked against him. All this would not have happened had they been the true Tamilan and named the movie in Tamil”, he said. Meanwhile the CBI has linked up with Escape Cinemas to review a few movies in relation to the 2G Scam. “They have directed us to screen G (Ajit Starrer), Saarpu SarpuG (Song from Va Quarter Cutting) and G3 (Golmaal 3). Tickets for the first movie will not be a problem, but the other two being new releases, the CBI needs to do advanced booking through thecinema.in. In Satyam Cinemas, we don’t give preferential treatment” said an employee of the most coveted multiplex in South India. “We have already approached a few IT Professionals and College students who have what it takes to get those tickets. Ironically, there will be no Escape”, said a CBI Spokesman.

“A-Raja-gam”, lamented an AIADMK MLA who has now been nominated for a training course with tamilmatrimony.com on fixing alliances. Raja on the other hand was cool and composed now that the issue has been diverted to unrelated frontiers. When asked if he would step down, he chuckled “No. I would rather stay in the back foot and play a Sehwag style cut shot”. Psychologists and other experts who have been reviewing the “cool as a cucumber” behaviors of Mr. Raja concluded that his technical expertise in the matter is what is instilling confidence in him. “Apparently being tech SAVVY is the KEY to success #TamilPun. Mr. Raja does just that” tweeted one of the experts.

Meanwhile, in more bizarre incidents, Shiv Nadar, Chairman of HCL Technologies, continuing on his philanthropic ventures, has decided to donate 10% of the 2G Spectrum losses back to the government. Apparently it took all of SSN College Alumni, now doing MBA Finance in IIMs to pitch in and tell him that you distribute percentage of profit to people and not loss. Lessons on profit and loss by these IIM grads seem to have instilled new found interest in Accounts for the students of the engineering. “How do college students do accounts?? Men-tally”, chuckled a student in his final year engineering. 2G=2*9.8 = 19.6, I wonder how people reported a 17.6Lakh Crore loss, wondered another student trying to combine his accounting and scientific prowess.

In other totally unrelated news: Flop of Action Replaay, a more primitive technology (in Eastman colour) has prompted ICC to reconsider its Umpire Decision Review System, which requires more technological developments.